Charles Darnell
“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” ― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Sunday, July 12, 2015
no.
this chapter in my life is over
two years
two horrible, beautiful years
to be honest, it ended a year ago
but i wasn't ready to let go of it for a long time
i was still in love with the words
i was still in love with him
well i guess i still am
two years
two horrible, beautiful years
to be honest, it ended a year ago
but i wasn't ready to let go of it for a long time
i was still in love with the words
i was still in love with him
well i guess i still am
but i don't love these words the way i used to
because they are no longer mine
they are charles
they are not sarah's
it's time for sarah to write perhaps
let her have an honest voice
and honest chance of being herself
it's time for me to put the pen name aside
because it doesn't roll off the tongue the way it used to
thank you to all who read my words
thank you to all who listened to me speak
thank you to all who taught me
thank you for all those who let me try to teach them
thank you to all those who accepted charles with no hesitations
truly, i cannot thank you enough
i cannot fully thank you for the life you all saved
but now that this life is saved, it must go on
it must continue to thrive and survive
to experience all that there is left in the world
"all moons go through phases i guess."
so i guess this is goodbye
but i'm not truly leaving
my ghost will remain in these poems
left here to haunt all those who are in need of some memories
or are in search of some answers
i love you all
sincerely,
charles darnell
because they are no longer mine
they are charles
they are not sarah's
it's time for sarah to write perhaps
let her have an honest voice
and honest chance of being herself
it's time for me to put the pen name aside
because it doesn't roll off the tongue the way it used to
thank you to all who read my words
thank you to all who listened to me speak
thank you to all who taught me
thank you for all those who let me try to teach them
thank you to all those who accepted charles with no hesitations
truly, i cannot thank you enough
i cannot fully thank you for the life you all saved
but now that this life is saved, it must go on
it must continue to thrive and survive
to experience all that there is left in the world
"all moons go through phases i guess."
so i guess this is goodbye
but i'm not truly leaving
my ghost will remain in these poems
left here to haunt all those who are in need of some memories
or are in search of some answers
i love you all
sincerely,
charles darnell
Friday, May 22, 2015
4/25/15 - 5/17/15
i saw that new picture
the one where you had your arms around her
your head in her shoulder
you only ever held me like that in the dark
with the door locked
in the middle of the night
but there you are
out in public in the light of day
and you love her
you said you loved me
not three weeks before they took this photo
what happened?
was i not enough?
was i not worthy to be loved with the whole world watching?
were you ashamed of me?
because if you were, you shouldn't have said "i love you"
because i said "i love you too"
and now i'm ashamed of myself
because i meant every word
and you didn't
the one where you had your arms around her
your head in her shoulder
you only ever held me like that in the dark
with the door locked
in the middle of the night
but there you are
out in public in the light of day
and you love her
you said you loved me
not three weeks before they took this photo
what happened?
was i not enough?
was i not worthy to be loved with the whole world watching?
were you ashamed of me?
because if you were, you shouldn't have said "i love you"
because i said "i love you too"
and now i'm ashamed of myself
because i meant every word
and you didn't
Monday, March 9, 2015
i've known you for a year
and i still love you just as much
as i did the day we met
but you don't know i love you
and i know you only love me to an extent
but i'm telling you now
i love you to no extent
and i always will
but i have to let you go
because i need a love that's limitless
and you're holding yourself back
and that's ok
you're still healing
but now it's my turn to hold myself back
because i can't keep pushing myself into your sword
when you won't fall onto mine
and i know that i'll bleed
and i know it will leave a deep scar
but i'll look on it with love
knowing that the blood i spilt was all for you
even if you didn't want it
i have no regrets darling
because you were worth every drop
the pain was outweighed by the joy you gave me
the sacrifice was worth the way you made me feel
and it's only a flesh wound
it will heal with time
and i hope one day you find a cloud to land on
instead of a sword to fall on
because you have so many scars
you don't deserve anymore
so let me pull the sword out of my chest
let me kiss you one last time with blood stained lips
let me walk away
and i know you will still want to be friends
but i need to do this on my own darling
just let me go knowing i will forever love the scent of cigarette smoke
and that you can always find me at sunset cafe
that watching pulp fiction won't ever be the same
that jean dujardin will forever remind me of you
that the taste of glass bottle coca cola will always be on the tip of my tongue
know that i will always love you
i will always love you
so thank you for giving me the best year of my life
i wish you every happiness in the world
and if fate allows us to find each other again
please say hello
but until then
goodbye
i love you
i love you
i love you
and i still love you just as much
as i did the day we met
but you don't know i love you
and i know you only love me to an extent
but i'm telling you now
i love you to no extent
and i always will
but i have to let you go
because i need a love that's limitless
and you're holding yourself back
and that's ok
you're still healing
but now it's my turn to hold myself back
because i can't keep pushing myself into your sword
when you won't fall onto mine
and i know that i'll bleed
and i know it will leave a deep scar
but i'll look on it with love
knowing that the blood i spilt was all for you
even if you didn't want it
i have no regrets darling
because you were worth every drop
the pain was outweighed by the joy you gave me
the sacrifice was worth the way you made me feel
and it's only a flesh wound
it will heal with time
and i hope one day you find a cloud to land on
instead of a sword to fall on
because you have so many scars
you don't deserve anymore
so let me pull the sword out of my chest
let me kiss you one last time with blood stained lips
let me walk away
and i know you will still want to be friends
but i need to do this on my own darling
just let me go knowing i will forever love the scent of cigarette smoke
and that you can always find me at sunset cafe
that watching pulp fiction won't ever be the same
that jean dujardin will forever remind me of you
that the taste of glass bottle coca cola will always be on the tip of my tongue
know that i will always love you
i will always love you
so thank you for giving me the best year of my life
i wish you every happiness in the world
and if fate allows us to find each other again
please say hello
but until then
goodbye
i love you
i love you
i love you
Friday, February 27, 2015
-- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. .
i just need to feel your heart beat
the same way mine does
and i'm beating against your chest
the rhythm that is in me
a morse code that you're not receiving
so i try to speak what my heart is saying
by pressing my lips against yours
but my sonnets feel incoherent
and you mistake them for kisses
i'm trying to give you everything
but you think you already have it
darling, there is so much more
we are more than flesh and bone
let me give you what you're missing
give me what i have been seeking
let your heart beat in morse code
along with mine
receive me
.-.. --- ...- . / -- .
the same way mine does
and i'm beating against your chest
the rhythm that is in me
a morse code that you're not receiving
so i try to speak what my heart is saying
by pressing my lips against yours
but my sonnets feel incoherent
and you mistake them for kisses
i'm trying to give you everything
but you think you already have it
darling, there is so much more
we are more than flesh and bone
let me give you what you're missing
give me what i have been seeking
let your heart beat in morse code
along with mine
receive me
.-.. --- ...- . / -- .
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
let's be childish
we make out at his place on the weekend but you'll never see us holding hands in the street on a tuesday. we're in love with the way each other looks and the way we make each other laugh and the way that we kiss and we're in love with our little coffee dates and car rides but we're not in love with each other.
i mean we love each other, we care about each other and we always want the other to be happy. but we don't love each other enough to call the other when we're sad. we don't love each other enough to get into fights over who pays the bill. we don't love each other enough to hold hands in front of our parents.
isn't it strange that kissing is more intimate than holding hands in public, yet it's the opposite in private?
maybe it's because kissing is seen as passionate and lustful. it's not innocent. but holding hands is loving and caring. children do it all the time. and i know we're no longer children but i still feel like we are.
darling, let's be childish.
let's do something foolish this tuesday. you can hold my hand and i can give you a peck on the cheek. we could go look at rings and houses and cribs. and who knows, maybe after we do all that we can get a 401K and plan our retirement.
let's be childish.
because i'm tired of being a grown up with you.
and i don't want to kiss you, i want to hold your hand.
i mean we love each other, we care about each other and we always want the other to be happy. but we don't love each other enough to call the other when we're sad. we don't love each other enough to get into fights over who pays the bill. we don't love each other enough to hold hands in front of our parents.
isn't it strange that kissing is more intimate than holding hands in public, yet it's the opposite in private?
maybe it's because kissing is seen as passionate and lustful. it's not innocent. but holding hands is loving and caring. children do it all the time. and i know we're no longer children but i still feel like we are.
darling, let's be childish.
let's do something foolish this tuesday. you can hold my hand and i can give you a peck on the cheek. we could go look at rings and houses and cribs. and who knows, maybe after we do all that we can get a 401K and plan our retirement.
let's be childish.
because i'm tired of being a grown up with you.
and i don't want to kiss you, i want to hold your hand.
Friday, January 23, 2015
🚬🔪💀follow for more soft grunge💀🔪🚬
she stood like a ghost against the blacklight of 3am
blood dripping from her mouth and nose
wearing shoes too big and too high to walk in
and she was trying too damn hard
she was trying too damn hard
the aesthetic she was aiming for was too dirty
and the blood was fake and everyone knew it
life is not a soft grunge tumblr blog
and everyone knew it but her
but she liked the way the blood looked on her skin
she loved the black and white bands
she wanted to have tears in her tights
and she wanted someone to see her
but no one is awake at 3am
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