it was with the girl who was blonde and pretty and it was in the theater where he would take her on their next date.
it wasn't in the cafe with me.
i was in the cafe looking at him and wondering what his hair felt like running between my fingers.
i was hanging on every word he had to say about her and i was telling him to hold her hand when the lights went down.
i was hardly breathing because the stabbing pain in my chest was about to kill me but he was smiling and laughing so the pain was worth while.
i was in the cafe wondering why i was letting myself get hurt again after the last time and the time before that.
and the only answer i found was in the way he shyly looked at me after he said her name.
in his eyes i saw hope of love.
even if it wasn't for me.
none of it was for me.
and i didn't deserve it anyway.
because love like that is special.
it's for pretty blonde girls who make boys flustered and nervous.
it's for girls who don't kiss on the first date.
it's for girls who make the men beg on their knees for her hand.
it's not for the girls who are damaged and make boys scared.
it's not for the girls who say yes to boys in hopes of them remembering their names the next morning.
its not for the girls who beg for a hand to lift them when they can't stand up anymore.
it's not for girls who would glady give love advice to the men who can never love them back.
it's not for girls like me.
