a letter to lloyd (the last one i promise)

dear lloyd,



i saw you got your mission call. congrats. i hope you'll forgive me for not being as excited as i should be. it's just that i don't want you to go. and i know that sounds weird considering you moved out of the state for school and that the last time you saw me was on graduation day. but even though you've been gone, you've still been writing. i don't feel like you've left because you're still in paris too.

but missions take you a long way from paris. and missionaries aren't allowed to keep up a blog i suppose. so this is the last i will hear of lloyd. and that breaks my heart.

so since lloyd will die at the entrance of the mtc. and since you probably will never see me again, i've decided to make you a list of what i've been dying to tell you for the past three years.



1. i've had the biggest crush on you ever since you stepped into mrs. wrights class in 2011.

2. i would purposefully go out of my way to find you at dances so i could dance behind you to make your dates mad and to hopefully get your attention.

3. you're hair looks fine either long or short, but when your rattail got cut off i was so relieved because honestly it looked really bad.

4. one time in human geography i got to sit next to you and i honestly could not pay attention to the lesson because i was so nervous being around you.

5. i'm also really sorry i texted you pretending to be mrs. wrights daughter, it was the only way i had the courage to text you and it was a really bitchy thing to do.

6. you have no idea how elated i was when you forgave me for doing that and then coming down the next day to the open mic in provo to hang out with me.

7. your writing is so honest and real and it makes me feel and think things that are new to me. your perspective on life is so refreshing to me and your blog will always be one of my favorites.

8. you are honestly one of the smartest and introspective people i've ever met. i would just wait to see you raise your hand in class because i always knew i was going to learn something new every time you spoke.

9. and you are one of the sweetest guys i've ever met because i read what you were writing to mrs. wrights daughter. you were so sincere and so kind and you put your heart out on your sleeve with no hesitation.


so yeah, thats it. i just needed you to know that someone has cared about you all these years. that someone saw you for who you really were. that someone admired the person you hid for so many years from afar. so i guess this is goodbye. a goodbye to someone that i never had the courage to say hello to.

goodbye lloyd. thank you for everything.



love,

charles darnell