Testimony Meeting

In my church, every month people are expected to go up to the pulpit and say what they know is true. Of course they talk about what they believe to be true about our gospel, but I’m not even sure if I think its true yet. All I know are real things but they aren’t exactly things you can say in a religious facility. And I’ve kept these things bottled up for so long, and I feel like you are the only ones who will somewhat understand what I’m talking about and not excommunicate me from humanity. 

So here is my testimony.

I know that bras are uncomfortable and that Mel Gibson scares the living hell out of me. I know that french onion soup only taste good when you put half a bottle of chardonnay and two sticks of butter in it. I know that I’m socially awkward and I’m sorry, I know it makes you uncomfortable but I’m trying my best. I know that my therapist is frustrated with me because I won’t tell him anything about myself when It’s just us in his office, but here I am naked in front of you and I can tell you everything. How ironic.

All I know is that I have the voice of a man and the body of a 1940’s bombshell. All I know is that I have acquaintances that call me friends but in all actuality they wouldn’t even know if I had died yesterday. All I know is that I weigh more than 87 percent of the girls here. All I know is that those bruises my mom saw on my legs weren’t caused by bumping into a corner like I said they were.

All I know is that I love him.

All I know is that I don’t love him. 

All I know is that he is a coward.

All I know is that the most beautiful girl died in March at age 17. All I know is that she never got to feel hot, lustfull lips against hers and that kills me. All I know is that she’s touching stars and I guess that’s more of a rush.

All I know is that I’m tired

All I know is that my virginity is about the only thing left that people haven’t screwed with.

All I know is that gender roles are shit and that feminism should be called common sense. 

All I know is I’ve been called fat 37 times too many.

All I know is words.

All I know is grey.

All I know is how the pacific kisses the shore but I don’t know if the sea even has feelings for the sand.

All I know is that I’ll miss this.

I’ll miss lloyd and benji and paul nelson. 

I’ll miss this class being the only place where it’s socially acceptable for me to talk to popular people.

I’ll miss being who I really am.

All I can say is thank you.

Just, thanks.

Yours truly,

Charles Darnell