no.13

..................................................................................................How to

I don't know what I'm supposed to teach you.

All I know is that I finally can see myself on the cover of Vogue and that's what matters.

For the first time I'm not counting the stretch marks covering the secret parts of my body.

I'm buying Chanel makeup dammit because I can and because it makes me feel good about myself and I don't give a damn if you think I'm stuck up because I kind of want to be because I finally can be.

I've finally let myself be a little selfish and thAT'S OK.

Is this a makeup tutorial or a stick-it-to-the-man speech?

Who cares.

Nobody cared when I did body rolls at the dance by myself.

Nobody cared that the chick with a couple rolls on her stomach started going to see a shrink.

Nobody cares that I ate five cookies today in between meals.

Nobody cares about what brand of perfume I buy.

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN.

And that's totally fine with me, because guess what?

I don't want you to.

I just want to do my own thing, and I want you to occasionally look and me and think "wow she sure is something" because I don't want you to know what I am.

I want to be the mystery that you might think about on a random Thursday night when your 37 and the insomnia kicks in.

Did you get anything from this?

No? 

That's fine, I didn't do this for you anyway.

I did this for me.

Hey, that could be the lesson: do stuff for yourself.

The 37 year old with a sleeping disorder,
Charles Darnell