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she said "Sarah, your life is so hard."
and i was taken back, because i never really noticed how shit it all was.

i guess i had spent my whole life stuffing my emotions and memories in the dark corners of my mind and numbed myself with the retina display screen to get through.
i didn't let myself look back at the road i had been down because i had to be the one to direct everyone to the final destination of resolution and closure.
i couldn't reach out to people for help because you can't exactly tell people that you're hiding in your aunts attic to avoid being sold into prostitution.
i wasn't able to worry about my first love who had gotten skin cancer because i was too busy picking a new last name just incase my family was put into witness protection.
i couldn't let myself cry at the funerals because my mother needed a shoulder to sob on more than she needed a depressed, self harming daughter.
and i guess after awhile it all became routine.

i mean i've lived through 22 deaths at least and they say it only takes three times to make something a habit.
i guess not existing in my own reality became a habit.
and i guess i have a numb heart that can't even feel itself break.

so don't worry sweetheart, my life isn't too hard,
because i don't even notice that it is.